Now my room seems to have similar properties to an oven, in that it gets boiling every night. So of course, I have to leave a window open. When I woke up this morning, I suddenly found myself a victim of a putrific stink whilst still in my own bed. Disgusting. Of course, I had no idea at the time what it was, and thinking it was my cat, had to search the whole room for the source. On leaving my house, I could still smell it. Getting paranoid now, I checked my shoes to make sure I hadn't stepped in anything, sniffed my clothes and so on. Really scared. Why is that guy looking at me? Do I smell???? Got to the train station..smell still there...oh no it must be me. What do I do? What do people do when they smell this bad?

Get on the train....smells gone. Breath a sigh of relief. Get off at the next station to transfer. Oh god the smell is here too!!! It has to be me. I need to call in sick, take a day off and scrub myself like there's no tomorrow. My friend Liam now comes walking up. I brace myself for an insult as to my present odour. Seeing my screwed up face, he remarks "Oh, I see you can smell it too. Apparently theres a massive stench across London." My face relaxes a little. "You mean to say, it's everywhere? Not restricted to 10 metres around me?" "Yup, everywhere. Don't know what it is though. Maybe something happened to the dump?"
"That must be it, yeah" (change of conversation ensues)

Later check the news. Apparently it's French farmers, spreading manure everywhere and the wind blowing it over. I've said it before and I'll say it again. They still want to invade.