Now, we all know that politicians only serve to lie, cheat, and maximise their own game whilst metaphorically (and in some cases literally) screwing the public up the ass. With the upcoming May 1st London Mayoral and Assembly elections now just 19 days away, it is probably high time I decided just who gets my vote. Here's the 4 main candidates:

1) Ken Livingstone. The incumbent mayor. Likes newts and whisky. Reasons to get my vote: already has 8 years of experience as mayor, gave me free bus travel, true Londoner, Labour party. Reasons to not get my vote: been in power for a long time-change is good.

2)Boris Johnson. The Tory candidate. Likes cycling. Reasons to get my vote: entertaing, wants to bring back the old routemaster bus. Reasons for not getting my vote: Tory, frequent gaffes can get too far i.e. the pickaninie one, very right-wing

3)Brian Paddick. The Liberal Democrat. Likes men. Reasons to get my vote: is better able to represent London's diversity, has experience of fighting crime-good for London's alleged "Crime problem". Reasons to not get my vote: seems insecure in debates, and unsure as to what he is actually doing.

4) Sian Berry. The Green Party. Likes the enviroment. Reasons to get my vote: very keen on stopping global warming and reducing emmissions. Reasons to not get my vote: would be wasted vote.


So, to conclude then. Ken will be getting my vote. Not only does he have lots of experience, a necessity for leading a major world class city, but he has lots of policies that make sense. As lovely as the Routemasters were, they were outdated and unsuited for actual use. The congestion charge is great, despite what suburban SUV drivers seem to think (try actually living in London), public transport has greatly improved, and he likes a good tipple. All in all, I quite like him.


Good Night everyone