suits and hats

Remember the good old days, when all men wore suits? Everyone looked sharp, everyone looked dapper. Now what do we have, kids skulking about in hoodies and tracksuits, men wearing the new "weekend uniform" of t-shirt and jeans non-stop, all looking identical. A return to the days of yore, when all were smart and immaculate, would be so much better. Much more interesting and stylish. A good fitting suit is comfortable too, negating a frequent argument. Plus, a suit can make an average man look great and a great man look amazing, so there's few real downsides.

Another item which needs returning is hats. Not those disgusting baseball caps, but old-fashioned hats which men used to wear. Fedoras, bowler hats and hornburgs could all do with being seen again, as a cool accesory to a sharp suit. Keeps your head warm, your hair in place, and can signify emotions and feelings based on the angle it's worn at.

And walking sticks too. A good cane like contraption, topped in white metal with some form of crest. Could act as a useful weapon against attackers as well as looking good.

All the bees are dying. This is of course an immensely serious problem, as without bees, we have no honey. And without honey, what will bears eat? And if bears die, then who can we make into rugs? These are all concerns which arise from a lack of bees. Furthermore, without bees it becomes somewhat harder for flowers to pollinate, resulting in less pretty springs and summers. Saving the bees is of the utmost importance, and they must be maintained by any means necessary, whether every person goes out and buys a nest, or catches some and raises them like children. If the bees die out, that removes a huge part of the ecosystem. The consequences are dire. Without bees, plants begin to die out, Then animals. Last of all, at the top of the food chain, is us humans. If we don't save the bees, then we die.


Unfortunately we don't know what it is that is killing the bees. My personal view, they realise that Global Warming is now unstoppable (at about 375 co2 ppm in the air, 400ppm is the point of no return), they are fleeing this planet and heading off into space.

I live in London, the capital of the UK and one of the largest cities in the world. London has many exciting thrills to offer young people, with sightseeing, the West End and so on. Yet as someone from an Inner Borough, I haven't actually done many of those things. The groups of kids hanging around in the West End? Not me, I'll tell you that now. For whatever reason, my friends aren't too keen on the idea, it only seems to be those from the Outer Boroughs or even tourists who visit that part of London. So the other day, I was around my mate's house, we'll call him John, and we're just chatting and hanging about. Then I say "Hey, why don't we go out to the West End, y'know, hang out there like all those teenagers do?"
"Oh I don't know, it's mainly suburban kids isn't it?"
"Does that matter? It'll be fun! We can do all those sort of stereotypical Londony things!"
"Nah, doesn't appeal"
"Why not?"
"Not enough of us. Would just look gay with the two of us"
"We could invite others?"
"Maybe.."

on the phone.. "hey it's me. You guys up for going into London, seeing all the sights and having a fun day?"
"Piss off, we're not tourists" hangs up

Me and Liam go back to sitting around.

Time for me to begin drowning my sorrows I think. This once-great city, of which I was proud to call myself a member of, will soon become nothing more than the laughing stock of the whole world. A modern, diverse city, where people of all creeds and race could live alongside oneanother in harmony was suitably represented by Ken Livingstone, a socialist and social campaigner, who did his better to create a more egalitarian city.

However, those in the suburbs (who aren't true Londoners anyway) have elected in a dangerous right-wing buffoon, a man proven to have lied about affairs, a man who was sacked as a journalist for literally making up stories. A man who has been given everything he has ever wanted, without doing any work. A leftover of a shameful, class-driven chapter in our history, a Wodehousian caricature of everthing that is wrong with the Upper Class. An Old Etonian and Oxford boy whose hobbies in his youth involved prancing about in a ridiculous costume and attacking restaurants. A man whose casual racism has spread to equating everyone from Papua New Guinea with cannibalism and referred to Africans as "Picanninnies" with "Watermelon smiles". This man is now unofficially Mayor of London. In this role, I am sure we will have plenty of laughs. The "Gungadinks" with their corner shops, the "chicken eating sambos". All the qualities are present in this man to turn London into a joke, laughed at by the other major cities of this world.

To those in the Outer Boroughs who caused this with their incessant whinging about the Congestion Charage, a measure designed to reduce congestion and pollution, in doing so helping to save the planet, thank you. To those in the Inner Boroughs, we have once more proved ourselves to be far more enlightened and forward-looking, yet we were not enough. The ignorant hordes have won.

Goodnight Mr Livingstone. You served us well. Mr Johnson, I wish you no luck whatsoever.